Writing on INC.com Deborah Grayson Riegel highlights the important distinction between the behaviors of leaders who want to be liked vs. those who want to be respected.
Leaders who want (and often need) to feel liked tend to:
- Seek attention and approval
- Engage in gossip rather than giving direct feedback
- Try to please everyone
- Make promises they can't keep
- Keep strong opinions to themselves
- Flood people with credit, compliments and praise
- Play favorites but pretend they don't
- Use information as leverage
- Assign people tasks they enjoy rather than assignments that stretch and challenge them.
- Focus more on how people feel than on achieving outcomes.
Leaders who recognize the importance of being respected, with or without being liked, tend to:
- Tell the truth even when it's unpopular
- Explain their thinking behind difficult decisions
- Acknowledge the elephant in the room, even if they can't fix it
- Say no when they need to
- Be open-minded and decisive
- Give credit to others when its due
- Tolerate feelings of disappointment, frustration and anger in themselves and others
- Hold people accountable for their results
- Be consistent and fair in setting rules and expectations
- Set and honor boundaries for themselves and others
- Deliver negative feedback directly and in a timely manner
- Apologize when they make mistakes and move on
- Model the behavior they expect from others
Take a look at the list and identify which behaviors most reflect who you are as a leader. Are you more interested in being liked or respected? If you find yourself with more of the behaviors in the "liked" list, could you be more effective if you focused more on respect?
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